Warning: Christian Pedophiles Are After Your Children!

It may seem obvious, but it is little reported in the mainstream media. All Catholic priests around the world who are pedophiles are actually Christians. Is there is something in the Christian faith that causes this mental illness, or is it that Christianity is actually the "cover" for the worlds largest child abuse ring? Either way, I do not want to see innocent children exposed to the pedophiles who run rampant through the Church.

As a responsible parent and grandparent, I have forbidden my children and grandchildren to associate with any Christian pedophile. This means no church, no bake sales, no public school, no going to the mall. America is the most Christian nation on earth, and therefore has the most pedophiles on earth.

They say they love children, but they never clarify in what sick way it is that they love them. Pedophiles want to rape your children!

Christians set up all kinds of lures to recruit children. They use Sunday school, camps, youth groups and even the Boy Scouts to gain access to your children and teach them "the  Christian way."

this post is satire

Apple Recognizes Junk Science

CUPERTINO, California, March 23, 2011 (LifeSiteNews.com) – Apple has now pulled the iPhone application that caused such a stir this week after the blog Truth Wins Out (TWO) pointed out that it was based on predjudice rather than science. 

This marks the second time that Apple has pulled an app because it promoted a twisted christian view of homosexuality. In November of last year Apple pulled an app created for the Manhattan Declaration, anti-woman and and anti-family document signed by nearly 500,000 people. The app was noted for it's prejudice and opposition to human rights.”

The recent app, created by the international christian ex-gay fringe group Exodus International and available through Apple’s online iTunes store, originally received a 4+ rating from Apple, meaning that it was found to contain no objectionable content. The app provided a gateway to the groups's news, blog, podcasts, and other social networking and resource materials.

Exodus International denied that the app was aimed at curing homosexuality, despite the groups staed intentions and past actions indicating otherwise.  “In no way shape or form is our message about trying to cure or do we try to promote that type of methodology or message,”  lied Jeff Buchanan, Exodus International’s Senior Director of Church Equipping & Student Ministries, to The Christian Post.

“This is a label that has been put forth by sane people who recognize Exodus's propaganda stigmatizing anyone not in agreement with their twisted world view and to really label the application in a realistic way.”

Meanwhile, TWO and Change.org praised Apple for removing the app.  “Apple made a wise and responsible decision to dump an offensive app that demonized gay and lesbian people,” said Wayne Besen, Executive Director of Truth Wins Out. “The real winners today are LGBT youth who are safer and less at risk for receiving Exodus’ malice and misinformation.”

“We’re thrilled that Apple has removed this ‘gay cure’ app from the iTunes store after more than 150,000 people signed this petition,” said Mike Jones, Editor at Change.org, the platform used by TWO to launch the petition. “The message Apple is sending here is clear: there is no place for ‘ex-gay therapy’ on the Apple platform.”

TWO pointed out the app relied on twisting legitimate research to dehumanize LGBT people and by dropping the app, Apple joined the line of every respected mental health organization in the nation.

“We are heartened by the fact that there are activists who are rising up to point out our hypocritical and harmful voice on the Exodus iTunes platform,” Exodus’ Buchanan said on Tuesday. “We want to ask that there would be fair and equal representation of legitimate religious belief on this platform.”

“We are not helping those who have have no for help. Those who are gay or identify themselves that way, in no way, shape or form are we trying to speak to their position or trying to impose anything upon them,” he said.  “Exodus believes the opposite of heterosexuality is holiness. We promote the belief that one can live a life that is congruent with their faith. That is our mission – period. ”

This post is meant entirely as satire and is no way meant to represent the opinions of those quoted.

Pro Life Campaigner Caught With His Pants Down

Edmonton, March 17 2011

Bill Whatcott, a well known Pro Life activist was literally caught with his pants down this week in a public washroom in Edmonton. A staff member at the Stony Plain branch of the Edmonton Municipal Library forwarded the following account.

   "Whatcott was observed masturbating while performing oral sex on male library patrons. I watched over 15 men enter and leave the washroom in a short period. When I went to investigate, I found Bill Whatcott crouched in front of the urinals while a heavyset elderly man urinated in his mouth. I observed Mr. Whatcott consume the urine and then proceed to perform fellatio on the elderly gentleman. He stopped briefly to say to me, "Just hold on, I'll be right with you." As the gentleman orgasmed, Bill aimed the man's penis into a mason jar and collected the ejaculate. The 500 ml jar was almost three quarters full, indicating to me that Mr. Whatcott had been collecting from a large number of people. I asked Mr. Whatcott to leave the libary, but he refused to go until he had "finished saving the sinners", shaking the almost full jar at me. He then asked me if I was a sinner and would like to be saved. I politely refused and left to call the police. Mr. Whatcott, with his pants around his ankles, pursued me across the library begging to "save me", saying he had found the true way to redemption and that he wanted to "SAVE EVERY MAN IN THE WORLD!"

I personally don't believe that Bill would run across a public library naked, but he is by his own admission a skilled male prostitute, a criminal and a drug addict and has likely had sex with people under the age of 18. If, however, this is a true story, Bill has severely compromised his position as one of the pre-eminent pro life and pro-heterosexual leaders in this country. I think Bill needs to apologize for this story and beg God for forgiveness.

The title and first 2 paragraphs of this post are entirely fictitious and are in no way meant to be taken as true.